


Hello, Home

by wigglebox



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Light Angst, and not in the good way, angels suck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 16:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19254718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wigglebox/pseuds/wigglebox
Summary: Do we want to remind you of something? Yes: The world is good, and we belong here.-Richard Siken





	Hello, Home

Cutting himself off of Heaven was a difficult withdrawal from a harmful drug. 

It didn’t help that, despite what he’s learned and dealt with over the millennia he walked the Earth, Aziraphale still kept to some sort of code of conduct that was imprinted on him since the moment he was created. Do good. Always do good. Sometimes the good went up against what was _right_ but he still tried to follow it the best he could. He had fun where he could (the bible insert was pretty fun), but nothing malicious. Nothing that would make him any _less_ than what he was. 

But it was clear that those who were created alongside him didn’t know what _good_ meant. 

Clearly, they thought they were doing what was right. But what they saw was right and what Aziraphale thought was right were on two different levels, and caused Aziraphale to feel homesick for a home that didn’t exist.

It was all a mess inside Aziraphale’s head. 

 

Crowley, for his part, hated to see the battle play out before him. Post-duping those pretentious hellacious idiots, the pair were satisfied with their respective areas of concern off their backs. It was easy for Crowley to forget the other demons, seeing as he never liked them in the first place. 

When Aziraphale told Crowley what they tried doing to him down there with the holy water, it seemed on par with what Crowley expected. It didn’t hurt him personally that they tried to annihilate his entire existence. He didn’t belong there, and truth be told, never did. 

But, when Aziraphale asked how things went up in Heaven, Crowley hesitated. Aziraphale had a different relationship with Heaven, in some ways more tumultuous than the one Crowley had with Hell. 

One of the things Crowley thought Aziraphale had forgotten over time was that he was once an angel himself, and he had to deal with the big-wigs upstairs as well. He hadn’t for a while, but AMTIY still remembered how pissy Gabriel, Michael, Uriel -- all of them could be. 

But he had forgotten how utterly heartless and cruel they were as well. 

Crowley tried to throw a line that would sound like Aziraphale, for what those in Heaven were _supposed_ to stand for, but the instant shout back, the degradation of self, and the humiliation of having to step into a fire that would have burned Aziraphale to a crisp caused Crowley to almost break character and lunge at Gabriel himself. 

They didn’t treat Aziraphale with the same respect that Aziraphale wanted to have for Heaven and Crowley didn’t know how to make Aziraphale see that. 

“So what did they do? I know fire was involved somehow, but you didn’t go into detail,” Aziraphale asked, only a couple days after their fraudulent punishments. 

Crowley knew he couldn’t hide the truth from Aziraphale. He was very good at painting himself out of corners and dodging what he needed to, but that couldn’t happen here. 

“Yeah, they used the fire. It was pretty big too, like a tornado,” Crowley explained, picking at a thread at his shirt while they sat on a park bench, “They -- uh… they weren’t very nice about it.” 

The words sounded lame as they left Crowley’s mouth and he knew it, but he didn’t know how to breach the subject that Heaven viewed Aziraphale as --

“Well I didn’t expect them to be nice about it, I didn’t do what they wanted me to. Well, in any case, I hope when I go back there, not for a while but eventually, they can treat me with a little more respect --”

“They treat you like trash, Aziraphale,” Crowley interrupted, unable to contain it any longer, “They treated you like trash up there. Forget about the fire, it was how they talk to you. Do they always do that?”

Aziraphale inhaled sharply and looked away, back over the park and focused on an old lady with her pigeons. He didn’t say anything and Crowley took that as a sign to continue. 

“I know it’s been a while since I was up there but I don’t know how you can stand them treating you like that,” Crowley couldn’t stop, he couldn’t stop the damn words, “They just wanted you to straight up die. No forgiveness, no hearing you out, no nothing. I expect that from Hell but I didn’t expect Gabriel to tell you to ‘shut your stupid mouth and die already’.”

Crowley felt his cheeks grow warm but continued staring at Aziraphale who also grew a bit red. The silence stretched between them but Crowley wouldn’t look away. He needed Aziraphale to understand this wasn’t a temptation away from Heaven thing, this wasn’t a dastardly doing to try and undermine his work on Earth -- 

“He really said that?” Aziraphale asked, his voice quiet, smaller than normal as he turned to finally look at Crowley. 

Crowley hated it. He hated that the idiots who thought themselves _good_ and _superior_ would make someone who was on _their side_ feel like 

This. 

Crowley nodded, not wanting to say anything else to further upset Aziraphale. 

But it really didn’t matter what happened anymore after that admission because the cat was out of the shredded bag and there was no way of containing it anymore. 

No, Aziraphale, you probably weren’t going back to Heaven. 

No, Aziraphale, they don’t respect you or think you as someone that belongs in Heaven. 

No, Aziraphale, they are not _good._

You have me. 

You have this planet. 

You have me -- 

Before Crowley could stop him, Aziraphale stood up from the bench and fixed his coat, not looking at Crowley anymore. 

“I forgot I have an appointment downtown.”

“Where? I’ll walk you.”

Aziraphale shook his head.

“Stay here, Crowley. Don’t follow me.”

And Crowley obeyed because he had to. He stayed on the bench, watching the pigeons scatter as Aziraphale walked through their group, the old lady glaring at him in his wake. 

This was how it started for Crowley as well. This is how the fall happens. You question things, you wonder about things you shouldn’t wonder about, and you have someone whispering in your ear the things you don’t want to hear because it will ruin everything. 

 

The mess in Aziraphale’s head was large and stormy, and not at all fun to deal with. 

He knew, of course, deep down he always knew that Heaven wasn’t what he wanted it to be. Heaven wasn’t what he needed to be or how other God-fearing people thought Heaven would be life. It was cold, very dark despite the bright light 

And empty. 

Very empty. 

It was then, and only then as Aziraphale sat in his back office of the bookshop did he feel truly, utterly, alone. 

But he wasn’t alone, was he. No, he was not. 

The bell to the shop rang through all the way to the back office, and Aziraphale didn’t have to get up to see who it was. 

“What part of ‘don’t follow’ didn’t you follow?” Aziraphale asked with a slight bite to his voice. He wasn’t mad, not really. He was too tired to be mad at Crowley. 

“I don’t know what gave you the thought that I’d listen to such a silly request,” Crowley’s voice floated back to him. A moment later, he showed up at the door to the office, bracing himself against the frame. He looked serious. Too serious for Aziraphale. 

“Give us a smile won’t you? I want to focus on something pleasant for a while,” Aziraphale reached behind him for the half-empty liquor bottles and two glasses. Crowley did flash a smile, however fake it felt, and settled down on the chair next to Aziraphale, accepting the glass. 

They didn’t speak for the next several hours and instead toasted to Earth and humanity several times while getting completely, and totally, sloshed. 

**Author's Note:**

> Annnnnd another Richard Siken prompt. I also want to use this quote for a Dean/Cas fic but this one had to happen first. 
> 
> A gifset I've seen way too many times on my tumblr is the one where they swapped their 'faces' and went to Heaven and Hell respectively, and all the people commenting on how Crowley (as Az) nearly lost character because of how the Angels spoke. 
> 
> Made me sad. 
> 
> Tumblr: wigglebox  
> Twitter: thatsongbyabba


End file.
